Lightly Dappled: 1 Year of Wrennox

Dear Wrennox,

Let's all do a happy dance because we made it! 1 year. Hands down the roughest year of MY life, yours too. But let's look on the bright side, it was also your BEST year!

I took the day off to hang out with you on this special day, just as I did with Hazel on her first birthday. It really is a milestone for celebration. Unfortunately, we're not actually doing much dancing because we're all feeling a little under the weather. You've got snot, coughs, gross poops, and not enough sleep. You have been ultra cranky about eating and throwing your perfectly delicious pear slices on the ground. We met your dad for a birthday lunch, but you weren't even digging the french fries. You really just wanted to escape out of your highchairs. After lunch I took you on a short walk around Buffalo Park to get some fresh air in all of our systems, and now its nap time (hopefully).

Driving to and from the park, I drove under the hospital skywalk, where one year ago today I sat waiting to meet you. I remember struggling to make the short walk to and from the bridge, but enjoying sitting there in the sunlight looking at the mountain and our new town. I remember that day pretty clearly still, it's a lot of the time between then and now that has been lost in a total blur.

You were so small when you were born, and and you are still such petite babies that I am having a really hard time believing you are actually ONE!

I still worry about you both and whether you are getting what you need. Both physically and mentally. It is rare that either of you gets a very long stretch of undivided attention. For that I have some mom guilt that creeps in. Less time working on motor skills, less time learning sign language, less time snuggling, singing, smiling, and even making eye contact. I spend energy to try to give you equal time and attention, but it doesn't change the fact that there are 2 (and 3 when you consider your older sister is frequently around) that have wants and needs that require me to divide my time. One of my goals this year is to have more devoted one on one time. We technically pay for you to be at school on Mondays even though I generally keep you home with me since it's not a work day. I'm hoping to occasionally use those Mondays to drop one of you off and spend a day with the other, and then reverse it the next week. I think I can count the number of times you two have gone anywhere without the other on one hand, so I think having a one on one mommy and me day would be really special.

We made it to the one year mark breastfeeding, and for that I am immensely proud. You started school this month and you wiped out my freezer stash of breast milk after one quick week, so we started sending you to school with formula too. I don't feel bad about it at all. Quite the contrary, I'm rather relieved. Instead of constantly worrying about whether I am making enough milk for you, wondering whether you really are getting what you need and are just petite like the doctor keeps reassuring us, or whether my doubts could be true and you just aren't getting enough, now there's something else helping me make sure you are fed and healthy. Once you started taking bottles at school, (Lennox, who never met a bottle she didn't like, was straight up refusing them the first few days) you took to the formula pretty easily. I have decided not to even pump when you're away, because a sane mommy is much better than an anxious wreck of a mommy, and this is much better on my stress levels. I nurse you in the mornings, when I come visit at lunch, evenings, and weekends and will continue doing so until we stop. No plans at this point, just going with the flow.

When you started school we realized we may have been babying you with pureed baby food and pouches - at least compared to the other kids. Yes, we'd been giving you finger foods, but it was still mostly a novelty and the bulk of your meals came from the purees. But at school there wasn't even a puree in sight for babies who are mostly younger than you. So, we stepped up our solids game, and have been sending you to school with lots of dinner leftovers. We still love our pouches though, because they're a fast and easy way to get food into your bellies which is our ultimate goal.

Overall, you have transitioned to school rather easily. (We don't seem to produce overly-attached kids.) You were incredibly lucky to have your Aunt Erin caring for and loving you this first year. She doted on you and we couldn't ask for someone to love you more than she does. However, we're excited for you to get to experience a new environment and new people, and make little baby friends! You are in a Montessori school with two sweet teachers and six other babies. Your room is big with a whole wall of windows. You eat lunch sitting in teeny-tiny chairs at a teeny-tiny table with all your teeny-tiny friends, and it is just the cutest. thing. ever.

I don't think we've officially counted a first word for either of you yet. You do kinda say, "dadadada," but I'm not sure it counts? Maybe if you say, "mamamama" I'll count it.

You sleep through the night most nights from 6pm to anywhere between 6 and 7:30 am. You just transitioned to 2 naps a day. Your cribs are right next to each other and you frequently play with each other for a while before laying down to sleep. I love to hear you giggling together in there. At school, you don't sleep in cribs, but sleep on pads on the floor next to each other. The other day, I thought it'd be interesting to see if you'd sleep in the same crib at home. It was sweet because Wren was patting Lennox's back as she laid down, but her style of "patting" was a little hard, and really just kept Lennox from falling asleep. I ended up having to go in and separate you because Lennox was standing at the side screaming while Wren continued to try to pester her.

You like to play at home with toys from your toy box some, but you enjoy your standing toys much more. We got out the big toy car, and it is ADORABLE to watch you two play on it together. Wren will push the car, while Lennox rides on it and honks the horn. It's the perfect match.

I'm starting to feel a little winter claustrophobia setting in, and I'm looking forward to fair weather so we can be outside more. I feel like you two have not gotten out enough (because once again, it's just harder to get out and about when there are two of you) and need some good fresh air time!

This past weekend some family came over to celebrate you, and watch you eat some chocolate muffins. You weren't feeling good, even then, but you did enjoy your muffins once you got up the gumption to dig in. More family is coming up this coming weekend too, so even though you didn't have an official party, there's lots of celebrating happening.

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Wrenbird,

You took your first steps! You started getting brave and standing on your own, and then one weekend while your dad was out of town, you were getting so confident I was worried he was going to miss your first steps. First thing in the morning of the first morning he was back, we propped you up on your feet and with just a little encouragement you took those steps! You're still not too steady or confident, but you are making progress a little bit at a time.

You have been making up for lost time in terms of teeth and the number of teeth in your mouth is starting to catch up to your sister. I think you're both working on your 7th and 8th teeth now. Your hair is getting long and I put it in pigtails for the first time this past weekend.

You weighed 16.6lbs this morning. We go to the doctor on Friday to get your official stats.

I think you are about to take off toddling around, and I'm excited for all the fun that will bring.

Happy Birthday, Wren Betty! You are cheeky cherub with an oh-so-serious side, but a goofy side that can get us all giggling.

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Lennox Loo Hoo,

You are cruising around furniture while holding on, and you're starting to tap into enough bravery to practice standing on our own. I think you see the big fuss we make about Wren taking steps and you want in on that attention. You like to hang all over me lately, and giggle in my face when you "get me." The other day when I was visiting you at school, you were using my leg to push to standing, put your hands up in the air, and then fall down. You did it over and over and were so proud of your standing. I was too.

Your hair might be growing. You have a little patch at the back of your head that has about 5 longer, straggly hair (and your dad likes to make fun of it), but the rest is still pretty velvet-like. It works out well, because it's soft to pet, and you love a good head rub. You are a dog/animal lover and I'm thinking maybe it was because you were a dog in another life.

This morning, you weighed 14.8lbs. So tiiiny, girl! I'm always struck by how dainty your little wrists are.

Happy Birthday, Lennox Eberly! You are a sweet little button that can always "smile-pant" (You tilt your head back, squint your eyes, grin from ear-to-ear, and pant through your nose) me into a better mood.
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When we found out we were having twins, I really didn't want to call you "the twins" for fear of making you into a unit instead of individuals. Then we started calling the two of you together, "Wrennox," which is arguably much WORSE! But also cute and convenient. The fact that you are twins is so special, and trust me when I say I KNOW you are individuals. You are nothing alike in looks or personality. Even though you have been getting mad at each other lately when one touches the other, you are so lucky to have each other. One of the things I'm most excited for in the coming year is to watch your twin relationship continue to develop.

I feel bad about letting some of these letters slip through the cracks, but instead of stressing about getting them done, I've been trying to be present instead. Maybe that means I'll forget some of these moments in the long run (or the short run - this year has wreaked HAVOC on my memory), but know that I am always doing my best for you girls. Sometimes my best just looks a little average. I will always be your number one fan, but lucky for you, you have a whole family who have my back in loving and supporting you.

Loving you so hard today,
Momma